“There Is Something About Amy”

(Composed: 09/20/10)


Red flags. I’ve gotta be honest, I haven’t been very good with them as of late. In “as of late” I mean roughly within the past 5 years. You see, prior to 2005, you probably could’ve labeled me the Red Flag King, almost to the point where most people I thought I was just some paranoid freak. In hindsight though, I avoided a lot of problems and kept everything from drifting out of my immediate peaceful control.


Meanwhile, as I sit here in LCJ, I’m provided with lots of “thinking time”. This is no good for a person of my intellect. Amongst other things, I tend to dwell on issues I’ve not been able to solve. One of these issues is the demise and downfall of my relationship with my child’s mother. Now, this is less of a “pining” over type of thing and more of a “this is going to eat at me if I don’t figure this out” type of thing. It’s been so confusing because of the blatantly instant connection we shared from day one. In other words, upon out first meeting, Ms. Woerpel and I were to humor and good times what Edward and Bella were to self loathing and heroin-esque moodiness, soul mates.


Inseparable, impenetrateable, and completely bullshit proof is what we were. There was no possible way this fun loving, no worries, sweet heart could ever morph into vindictive, easily angered bitch. Now, slow down. None of these words are meant to be harmful. Before Amy, I only dated bitches. I love them. As a certified asshole, a bitch is merely my natural female counterpart. What I am against is sudden change. I like ice cream AND chicken. Not a big fan when ice cream all of sudden starts to taste like chicken though. With that being said, when you’re under the impression you’re in a relationship with that fun and witty Cameron Diaz character, then you wake up and she’s turned into your cliché’ reality show female villain, it’s a bit unsettling.


Then I think, why did I not heed to the red flags, like the very first argument we had, resulting in a Mountain Dew can being thrown at...........

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