INTERVIEW|Keith Evans

In the spring of 2010, Digital Lizard’s own Keith Evans was incarcerated. Through written letters in envelopes stamped “INDIGENT MAIL” and sporadic 15 minute phone calls, DLP mastermind Michael Goodpaster has kept in touch with the actor, writer, musician, standup comedian, and loving father.


This interview was planned to be released on 10/5(Keith’s Birthday), but we did not take into account the rather slow mail process. Nevertheless, here are fifteen questions with Keith Evans about how jail life really is and what his plans are upon release.




1. Hear any good jokes lately?


Well actually there’s that one that almost every temporary bad ass tells. Something about all the pricey icey things they “own” (i.e. whips, rims, jewelry, flat screens) and all the “balling” they were doing in the streets, meanwhile they have $250 bonds they conveniently can’t afford to pay. Ha-Ha, get it? Me neither.

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2. Is jail anything like you see in the movies or on TV?


Only in the way where most of the inmates here act like they wonder the same thing. In my opinion, jail is like 24 hour detention with every annoying ass clown you attended school with continuously acting out that short 15 seconds in Dangerous Minds right before Michelle Pfeiffer walks in for her first day… if that makes any sense. It’s really loud and theatrical also.

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3. Is the common male fear of “dropping the soap” really something to worry about in LCJ?

It is, but from a totally different aspect. The jail is so filthy and dirty and the urban legend of MRSA is so rampant, there’s been times I dropped my soap and screamed “Noooo!!!” Otherwise, the showers aren’t locker room or bath house style so if someone wants to risk a staph infection in their own ass just to jump inside a one man shower and tap THIS…? By all means, it’s almost flattering.

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4. Your choice: Favorite meal or be able to watch your favorite movie, which and what would that pick be?


Wow, so many pros & cons with both. I’d have to say movie, as long as the stips include a theater screen and Alanis Morrisette giving e that “cinematic blowjob” she’s bragged about all these years. I’d have to pick Almost Famous. I literally watched Fight Club two weeks ago and it’d be nice to feel emotions again.

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5. Have you considered starting an all inmate football team to take on the guards like in “The Longest Yard”?


I was just talking about that, with the realization that till they put me in the hole, I was Chris Rock’s “care taker” character.

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6. What is one fact about jail that would surprise those who have not been “in the clinker”?

There’s no black guy with dreads in a wheel chair narrating your every move.

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7. In.gov tells us in their FAQ that it currently costs an average of $52.61 per DAY to keep an adult inmate incarcerated. How much has tax payers chipped into to keep you behind bars? How would you rather spend this money?


Let’s see, upon my October 18th release I will have served 132 days. So that’s $6,944.52. REALLY?!? Do you know much drugging and drunk driving I can do in one night…? Oh wait, so $6,944.52 times two is?

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8. What Prince song is jail most like?


Since jail is shitty and the only thing I can equate from shitty and Prince is Graffiti Bridge, I’d have to say…………………………….

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