Best/Worst Out Of 7

(Composed: 10/04/10)



“I’ve got pride in the way I walk

I’ve got pride in the way I talk

I’ve got pride in the way I act

I’ve got pride, and that’s a fact”

-Lyrics to some alleged motivational song we were forced to sing at my 6th grade graduation.



Funny how I remember that song so vividly. So vividly that if I were to return to the now abandoned Banneker Elementary School, and stroll into its “cafetorium” (I love ill-advised, cross-bred words), I could point out the exact spot in which I stood as I sang it. Ever so vividly, that after my 3rd day of solitary confinement in “the hole”, (A result of more snitching and falsehoods aimed at myself by a group of 20 year old fuckbags, who, no doubt, harbor severe jealousy towards me for my intelligence, sarcastically humorous tones, and ability to manipulate the system to my liking while they fail horribly using their “gangland” approach), I find myself singing it loudly, as not to go crazy, ironically enough.



When a person is forced into solitude for a long period of time, it has a strange affect. It forces the person into a sort of odd journey of discovery about themselves. Some crack under the pressure, resulting in extreme deviant behavior like fling their own feces at the guards or using it as paint for their own graffiti. They scream a lot. They begin to conversate with themselves. The negative outlets are endless. Some simply shut down any and all social skills, ultimately retreating to the safe confines of reading material, some writing, artwork, or the like. All, however, are forced to do a lot of thinking and self evaluation. Though necessary in life, these acts of self reflection can be as damaging to your present as they are helpful to your future. I, personally, love this type of shit. Walk with me as I share my thoughts, theories, and half assed solutions with you.



Let’s go back to those care-free GINKru days. Specifically to the moment when we adopted the 7 Deadly Sin philosophy. For those unaware, GINKru was an extracurricular, after school group/hip hip group/crew of friends/wonderful clusterfuck founded back in 1992 by junior high class mates Emas Bennet, Mark Harris, Morry Davis, Larry Dowell, and myself. Like any group of schoolmates during their pubescent years, there evolved plenty of “Gossip Girl” or “90210” moments. New members acquired, others lost, the brand itself continues. During our high school years, our then 7 man squad latched on to the 7 Deadly Sins concept. It was an almost automatic fit (for at least 5 of us.) and to be quite honest, very Wu-Tang at the time. I, obviously, was dubbed Pride, unaware how much this would escalate my already proud nature. If I were to write a press junket today, it’d be “boy band laughable” at best. Mark (Lust) loved the ladies. Larry (Angry/Wrath), the menacing emcee. Morry (Greed) the money loving, self proclaimed “Jew” (go figure), so on and so forth. As for myself: shit talking, ego-centric, bradadocious, loud and proud was my demeanor. This all stemmed from a childhood that rollercoastered from intense grammar school popularity to eye awaking unpopularity in middle school. Stir it all together, and by the time high school came, I was begging to be not liked just for the opportunity to response “Fuck You”. The eventually became my ultimate basis for being, till this day.




Despite me not necessarily fitting the physical mode of success and luxury, pride has gotten me in a lot of grand situations. Pride allows me to take the things I AM good at (wit, humor, intellect, social skills, debate, and musicality), amplify them, and present it with a confidence that most have no choice but to submit to. If I believed in the world “swagger”, I might have to say I had a healthy amount. It is pride however, not swagger, that has gotten me jobs I not normally should have had, women that normally should have been “out of my league”, entrance into places and social circles I should normally not be in, and escapes from ass whippings that normally should have been administered without question. It is pride that fuels my music, my acting, my cunalingus, and this blog. It is pride that has allotted me certain opportunities. It is pride that’s sprinkled small tastes of the “Fame Monster” lifestyle on my taste buds, causing my appetite for a more consistent and bountiful diet.



It is also pride that has destroyed certain opportunities. Pride has, often enough made it impossible for me to reciprocate love, the way society dictates that one should. Price has cut short many a blossoming and healthy relationship, both romantic and platonic. Pride has put me in the center of volatile situations, only allowing me to fight, bite, claw, and kick my way out. It’s because of pride that I have hurt the loved ones around me and alienated myself. Pride has made me an asshole and it’s because of that pride that I am strangely proud to……………………………

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