James "Vizion" Haley: Hey guys, I'm drunk, I think I'll go to church.
Janis Serrano: That's SICK. Why would you go to church drunk? I got 12 kids, I hate them all and I'm getting my PHD!
Melissa Stewart: I'm going to Paris.
Lauren Nuzzo: I'm pregnant!
Qiana Kimbrough-Valentine: Vote for Ragen for the mayor of Gary!!!!!
Sabreena Osborne Sabreena found some treasured golden mystery eggs to share with her friends.
Tiffany Smith: I need a stiff one.
Host: Charles Barnes, you are NOT here for the love of Facebook, please remove your connection and return to Myspace.
Charles Barnes: Wack raps ya'll!!!!!!
{pause for dramatic purposes)
Host: Welcome, once again, to For The Love Of Facebook. I am your host No Name, and this week, we plan on shaking things up a bit. Unfortunately, last week, we had to send Charles Barnes back to Myspace and. . . .
Melissa Stewart: (interrupting) . . .Myspace? Is that in Paris? You know, I'm going to Paris. Go Hawks!!!!
James Vizion Haley: (drunk) Uhm, wait a minute, this ain't no church.
Sabreena Osborne Sabreena has built a church on her Farmville.
James Vizion Haley: like
Host: Anyways, this week's challenge is simple, or so it may seem. Your goal? Let Facebook King: Keith Evans update his status without any interference or negative comments. This challenge is to be tooken seriously.
Melissa Stewart: Tooken is NOT a word, atleast not in Paris. God I'm so pretty and smart and successful.
Tiffany Smith: God dammit Melissa, you best watch yo shit. I ain't had a stiff one in about 3 days. You don't wanna piss a sistah off right now.
Qiana Kimbrough-Valentine: A vote for Ragen means a vote for all the stiff ones you can handle.
Lauren Nuzzo: Oy, a stiff one only leads to one thing, gettin pregnant.
Melissa Stewart: Did you know pregnancy is illegal in Paris, a city in France, one in which I'm moving to?
Host: Alrighty then, you guys are dismissed.
Back at Facebook Mountain. . . . . .
Tiffany Smith: Ok, so all we gotta do is let that punk motherfucker Keith say what he wants and we're good right?
Janis Serrano: Well yeah, but he's so, so sick. He's disgusting, and you know me. I can't keep my mouth shut about anything.
Lauren Nuzzo: I'm pregnant.
Janis Serrano: So what?!?!?!? I got 17 kids AND I work 4 jobs, AND I go to school full time at Harvard.
Tiffany Smith: Come on bitches, we are the strongest alliance in this motherfucker. We gots to stick together. All we have to do is just NOT respond to Keith's post, that's it. Hell, we can all just find something else to do until eliminations and we straight. I'm gonna go find me a stiff one.
Lauren Nuzzo: It'll only lead to pregnancy.
Janis Serrano: No, she's right. Just keep busy. I'm got 7 finals today anyways. After that, who knows, maybe I'll beat the hell outta one of my 19 kids, shiiiit, 6 of them ain't working anyways.
Meanwhile, at the computer lab. . . . .
James Vizion Haley: Seriously though, nigga feelin thirsty AND religious as all hell. Somebody bring me my Hennessy and Bible!
Melissa Stewart: Using the "n" word is NOT cool James. The "n" word doesn't even exist in Paris, the city in which I am moving.
Qiana Kimbrough-Valentine: She's right Vizion. There are NO niggas in Paris. They all live in Gary, Indiana, a fine, majestic city where Queen Hatcher will rule most high, if I have anything to do with it, which I do.
Melissa Stewart: Gary, Indiana? How far is that from Paris, the city in which I will reside very soon?
James Vizion Haley: Girl you crazy! G.I. ain't nowhere near no Paris France.
Melissa Stewart: It's too bad really. I love Paris. Did you know they have they're own Sears Tower, but Sears in french is Eiffel? I can't wait to see the Eiffel Tower.
Sabreena Osborne Sabreena has built an Eiffel Tower on her Farmville for all her friends to enjoy.
Melissa Stewart likes this
Somewhere in a church. . .
Qiana Kimbrough-Valentine: (kneeling in prayer) Dear Lord, please bless me with the will and drive to make Ragen Hatcher Queen, er. . .I mean, Mayor of Gary. It is my only wish. Please forgive me of all my sins, like being part of a high school called Str8 Dawgin' and totally dissing Keith Evans in the 2nd grade after he paid my way to our Circus field trip.
(Suddenly, Qiana hears faint moaning in the back pews. She walks back there, only to be shocked by finding Vizion and Tiffany cuddled up together.)
James Vizion Haley: poke
Tiffany Smith: poke
James Vizion Haley: poke
Tiffany Smith: poke
Qiana Valentine-Kimbrough: What the HELL is going on?!?!?!?! Vizion, we did NOT form an alliance just so you can go poking people from another tribe.
Tiffany Smith: I told ya'll I needed a stiff one
James Vizion Haley: What the fuck you mean what is going on? This is a church! I'm drunk! Duh!
James Vizion Haley and Tiffany Smith are now friends
(Suddenly, the rest of the participants enter the church in a hurry)
Janis Serrano: Oh My GOD! You guys are so sick!!!!!
Lauren Nuzzo: Are you guys pregnant?
Sabreena Osborne: Ew!
Sabreena has installed a condom machine in the church on her Farmville
Tiffany Smith: What can I say? I liked his status.
James Vizion Haley: She "liked my status" so I "wrote on her wall", so what?
Qiana Kimbrough-Valentine: See, this is the type of things Rudy Clay stands for, sex in churches and condoms on Farmville. If you don't want to end up fucked in a church, vote for Ragen Hatcher.
James Vizion Haley: Damn, nigga can't even fuck in front of the Lord?
Everyone Else: YOU ARE NOT A NIGGA!!!!!!!!
Melissa Stewart: Well duh, he didn't even try to take my Chanel purse, which by the way, was made in. . .
Everyone Else: PARIS!!!! We fucking know.
Melissa Stewart: (to herself) Dieu, je ne peux pas attendre à Paris. Allez Hawks!
At elimination. . . .
Host: 30 minutes has gone by since I issued your challenge. I see you all have kept yourselves "busy" enough to not interfere with Keith Evans' domination of Facebook, which is good. However, one of you must hand in your profile pic and leave Facebook forever. It's time for elimination.
{dramatic pause}
Host: There are 7 of you, but only 6 Facebook accounts. This first FB account goes to you Sabreena.
Sabreena Osborne likes this
Host: Next, Lauren Nuzzo, we thought about eliminating you, but we couldn't eliminate that adorable fetus of yours. Come on up and get your FB account.
Lauren Nuzzo likes this
Host: Tiffany Smith.
Tiffany Smith likes this
Host: Vizion.
James Vizion Haley and Tiffany Smith like this
Host: Qiana Valentine.
Qiana Kimbrough-Valentine: That's Qiana Kimbrough dash Valentine to you. Ragen Hatcher believes that no woman should have to throw away her last name just cuz of some bullshit called marriage. How will people you went to high school with know who you are? That's why a vote for Ragen is a vote for hyphenated last names.
Host: Uhm, ok. Melissa. Janis. Will you ladies please step forward? There are 2 of you, but only one FB account. Before I give the final results, can both of you give me reasons why you should stay?
Janis Serrano: What the fuck you mean? I got 46 kids that get on my last damn nerve. I got 11 M.B.A.'s, which in THIS economy means I have 11 pieces of lint in my god damned pocket. I go to school. Keith is fucking SICK!!!!!! Obviously I should stay.
Host: Ok. And Melissa?
Melissa Stewart: Stay? Stay here? Here in NotParisville? I'm far too gorgeous and smart and successful to be stuck on Facebook my entire life.
James Vizion Haley likes this
Melissa Stewart: I make people pretty like me for a living and that talent can only be manifested in a city like Paris, where everyone is beautiful. Stinky and stuck up? Sure. But beautiful. I don't care if I'm eliminated or not. Go Hawks!
Host: Ok. You both have made invalid and amusingly stupid ass points. The people have spoken. This last Facebook account goes to. . . . . . .
Who should get the FB account?
Comment your choice immediately and a winner will be determined tonight.
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