Ragen For Gary plus Random Thoughts

It's been awhile, I know. . . .

Fairly treacherous week. . . .

Funny thing is, I had 3 instances that kind of screwed me in the head a little, eh, make that a lot. . . .

1. Somebody whom I have a child with acted as if I was stalking her.  First of all, Keith Evans doesn't stalk anyone, not even corn. Shit, I barely show that much concern for people I'm actually "with", let alone, wasting my fucking time to "stalk" her.  Apparently, stopping by to see my child randomly is not on the menu for decent parenting I guess.  And though she apologized, I can't get the sound of her ridiculous accusation out of my ear.  Word to the public; STALKING IS BENEATH ME!  I am not a woman.  I have better things to do.  This is the last I'll say about this situation

2. Some chic basically tried to explain to me that as much as I claim that she's dramatic and ignorant, the truth is that I'm dramatic.  Now apparently this is based on the fact that I get worked up when she gets unnecessarily dramatic, weird, uncharacteristically standoff-ish, and/or says things that have no basic element of intelligence.  Anyone who knows me knows that I despise dumb ass shit.  I tried very hard (and still trying) to hold on to the recently revamped "Nice Keith" and simply said I would just shut up and ignore it when I feel like she's bombarding me with her "girl" like behavior.  Perhaps me even mentioning this now is in direct violation of my "solution". . . . well, this isn't even to her, it's to everyone else.  Do you remember the term "Don't start none, won't be none"?  I do.  I damn near live my entire life by it.  With that being said, I think it's safe to assume that according to that formula, if one starts some, there will be some.  It's basic math.  This is the last I'll say about THIS situation.

3. An individual I hold dear and close to my heart kind of just vanished from my existence.  Ironically enough, it happened precisely after I expressed something that I probably should've just kept to myself.  This hurts my heart, slightly on the same level May 17th hurts my heart.  (side note, as I started that last sentence, Open Arms by Journey started to play on my media player. . .I hate poetic moments)  I don't necessarily regret saying what I said, because it was the truth, and I feel like I've held that in for a little bit too long.  I do, however, feel like maybe I "fucked" up.  I rarely feel that way, for those who know me.  This will probably NOT be the last I'll say about THIS situation.

No matter what "Keith" I am, it seems to never be enough, or in other situations, too much.  So is the life for someone who is kind of "the shit". 

I digress. . . . . .

RAGEN For Gary

Picture this.

1983.  I'm 5 years old.  After having a bunch of adults stare at me for weeks while I amaze them with my Professor X like intellect, thus granting me a spot in the mutant academy they call the Gifted and Talented Program, I enter my first day of kindergarten.  School would eventually be my chosen battlefield for tomfoolery and pre-pubescent "chicken hawking".

I distinctly remember the first 2 "chickens" I met.  Angela Pool and Ragen Hatcher. 

Angela Pool, who now, is just as hot, if not hotter than I personally thought she was in high school, was the mean girl.  Intimidatingly tall, and face full of menacing cynicism. 

But alas, she was not the leader of the two.

The leader?  A light skinned, skinny girl with HUGE, almost handicap like glasses named Ragen Hatcher. 

We eventually became friends through out our elementary years.

Random childhood memory; I got a report card, you know, one of those paper mache' thin colored ones with the S's and the R's.  In the comment section, one of my teachers literally wrote "Keith is a great child, however he is not reaching his full potential.  Spends too much time talking to Ragen Hatcher".

In grammar school society, we were slightly on the same level.  Her dad was the Mayor of Gary.  My mom was the vice president of the PTA.  I won't even get started on the perks. . . . . . .

Fast forward to high school.  Due to my own personal views of life at that point, and my ever running mouth, I wasn't as well liked as when I was king of Banneker school. 

Ragen, however, was nestled nicely in the "elite".  I wouldn't label her a "Heather" or anything.  Let's just say she had a certain swagger (ew, I just used that word) about her that generally only dudes rocked.  I'm not at all saying she was a lesbian.  Far from it actually.  There was something sexy as hell about a cute, light skinned girl, with no use for a weave, dressed like Allen Iverson everyday.

If I remember correctly, Ragen didn't like me too much in high school.  But in her defense, I was kind of a pest.  I was pretty much a younger version of me now, sans the clever banter and witty retorts.

Fast forward to now.  After multiple degrees, becoming a lawyer for the Gary Community School Corp., and a member of the Gary Common Council, Ragen Hatcher is running for Mayor of Gary. . . . .

. . . .uhm, wait, sorry let me rephrase. . . .

Ragen Hatcher is "looking to see if running for Mayor is a viable option". 

For those who were not in the G/T program, that means she's running for Mayor.

When I went the Ragen For Gary Meet & Greet, it was pretty fucking surreal. 

Here I am, at the Barbara Leek Wesson Center, approximately 17 years after I received my first blow job ever in the parking lot of this very building.  Ah the memories.

In walks mayoral hopeful Ragen Hatcher.

Her corn rows replaced with long and bouncy strands of what, I can only assume, is the result of wearing corn rows all your life.  Her baby blue North Carolina garb, now replaced with a very "political" Hillary Clinton pants suit.  Her body, still amazingly "high school" thin after birthing three children.  If I were a girl, I would be inclined to hate on her, but alas, I lost my vagina in the War on Terrorism.

She sees me, and immediately acknowledges my existence.  I swoon, but opt to play it cool.  then I realize something.  She's a politician, and we all know politicians give you same kind of attention strippers give you.  The fact that Ragen is a woman makes this even more awkward.

She lightly scolds me about my smoking habits.  I consider this slightly hypocritical seeing as she was sporting an Obama bumper sticker when she pulled in.  There's 3 things I do that can be considered presidential; owning a Blackberry, being a well spoken black guy adored by whites worldwide, and smoking Newports.

There was a moment, when she noticed I was in attendance, that she said to Qiana Kimbrough-Valentine "Did you see Keith Evans?".  Qiana did not speak.  Must've read the Facebook edition of my blog. 

My favorite Ragen Hatcher friend, Erica Ross (Qualls), was also there.  I'm a big fan of people who don't lose their sense of humor when they grow up.  Erica For Gary!!!! Oh wait, sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself.

I very much appreciated that Ragen just talked like a 31 year old version of the girl I knew from school.  What was actually weird, but good I suppose, is that I felt that she was more in "political mode" during her individual conversations.  When she spoke, it was more down to earth and surprisingly "bullshit" free.  Granted that could change, it was a nice breath of fresh air.

It seems that the 4 Main Issues Of Interests of Ragen's "would be" campaign are;
1.) Public Safety
2.) Community Development
3.) Economic Development
4.) Education


4 things I believe anybody who resides in, has ever lived in, or is even aware of Gary, Indiana, would agree with.

Her method of approach seemed to present the message that the politics practiced by the "current administration (or as a friend of mine labels him "Chops") are no longer effective. 

For those who were NOT in the G/T Program, that means that Rudy Clay's leadership is about as efficacious and fruitful as his Huggy Bear demeanor.  I mean, let's be real, sometimes, I look at pictures of Rudy Clay and I feel like I might've fell out a time machine.

Mrs. Hatcher-(insert married name here, I don't keep up with that shit) appeared focused, honest (as far as politicians go) and clearly prepared for any questions thrown her way.

Someone asked the whereabouts of 25 million dollars that was suppose to be given to the city from HUD.  Hatcher's summarized response was that the city inevitably lost the money to Cleveland, Ohio due to Gary's current "lack of leadership.  To this, I silently resolved that in such a case, Gary should get LeBron for a year.

In what I assess as an obvious sign of leadership, at a certain point, a woman began to rant, ending her harangue with the statement "I believe Ragen Hatcher should be and WILL be our mayor."  Before this woman could finish this statement, Ragen started her own eventual applause.  Now THAT'S a leader.

In what I assess as a "bad decision", during her explanation of examples of cities that have dug themselves from ashes of their own fall, Ragen made a reference to Newark, New Jersey.  To this, I silently imagined a Gary version of the reality show Jersey Shore.  I wouldn't even want to meet THAT Snooki.

I stand by my theory  that George W. Bush's biggest advantage in his campaign was obviously the fact that his father was President.  I also stand by my theory that Barack Obama's biggest advantage in HIS campaign was that the majority were simply fed up with and jaded by the (at that time) current administration.  I ultimately stand by my theory that those two factors are what will inevitably be the biggest advantages to Ragen's campaign.  I mean, we can say that Hatcher would become mayor based on the issues, which I believe she would also have the edge in as well, but let's be totally honest, it's gonna come down to the voter's thought of familiarity with the name Hatcher AND the fact that Rudy Clay pretty much sucks ass.

Just like I could say that I would vote for Ragen because of her stance on this or her views on that, when fundamentally, I would vote for Ragen because she is Ragen Hatcher and that's my homie.

. . . oh, speaking of women in power. . . . .

Stacey Dash

Stacey Lauretta Dash was born in 1966, which means she is 44 years old.  Wait, I don't think you get it. . . .

This is 44 year old Stacey Dash. . . . .

You remember Clueless.  Hell, you remember Mo' Money.  No, I'll do you one better, . . . I remember Illegal In Blue. . . . . . . . .

Stacey Dash (in "Illegal in Blue") - Watch today’s top amazing videos here

I remember this Bronx bombshell causing me alot of "sleepless" nights my junior year in high school.

Stacey was definitely one of the Fresh Prince's hottest "all-star cameo" girlfriends, hands down. Stacey is probably still the hottest 28 year old chic ever to play one of the hottest high school chics in a movie ever. 

4 years ago, at the tender age of 40, Dash out shined a very large percentage of the 20 somethings that have posed for Playboy by posing herself.  Most women could only slit their own wrists to the idea that they could look at 25 how Stacey looks at 44.

If you asked me what female celebrities I'd suspect owned a vial of water from the Fountain of Youth, I can think of 2 people off the top of my head.  Diane Lane (anybody who knows me knows I LOOOOVE some Diane Lane) and Stacey Dash.  This (and the fact that my bestest of female friends nominated her) is why Stacey Dash is this edition's Vagina Hero, enjoy. . . . .

Some Video Love

What's goin' down clowns?

I was doing some internet strolling, and I came across a couple videos that brought a chuckle to my heart, Enjoy. . . . .

When Lady Ga Ga came out, I was immediately a fan.  Anybody who's read my last 2009 blog, "Countdown to 2010" knows my opinion that she got uglier the more popular she got.  Not that Lady GaGa is unattractive, she's just ugl, you know?  I would often say to people that she was an ugly Christina Aguilera.  Then I would often say that her or Britney Spears should've thought of the Ga Ga gimmick first, particularly Aguilera, whom, like Ga Ga, can actually sing, and it would've been an interesting evolution from that "dirty" Xtina phase, instead of damn near disappearing.  Apparently, Christina has my day dreams hooked up to a DVR, but waits way too late to catch up on her episodes.  Meet Lady Ga-Gaguilera, which, as I said before, would be semi acceptable, had Lady Ga Ga wrote all her songs, and didn't do it 2 years prior. . . . . . . .




A few days ago, a friend of mine, a slight insider in the know of all things black, high class, NBA, southern, and ghetto-fabulous, informed me of the reason LeBron choked asshole against the Boston Celtics.  If you are unaware of this reason, feel free to click these links.  For the short and sweet version,   Delonte West (the tattooed, albino shooting guard for the Cleveland Cavaliers) has been thrusting his albino penis inside of his teammate's (King James) momma. I know, classic right?  It takes me back to my high school days, and makes me wonder if Ashanti Miller ever boned Ms. Styles.  But I digress. 
Anyways, yeah, that's the story going around.  Gloria James getting her vag scored on, not the Darius Styles thing. After some Googling of the issued, I wandered into this video, which now makes me question if Powder, er, I mean Delonte actually fucked LeBron first, with apples being known not to fall far from trees and all. . . . . . . . .



Hope you enjoyed that.  If not, you ain't smokin' right. . . . .

stay tuned (specifically you Regionites) for the Ragen For Gary series.  First installment, tomorrow night.

nuff Said

Whuttup Gary, Indiana!!!!!
On my way to the Ragen Hatcher Meet & Greet. The "Ragen For Gary" series is coming soon. Let's see where this takes me.
Nuff Said

For The Love Of FaceBook: A Parody

Last week on For The Love Of Facebook;
James "Vizion" Haley: Hey guys, I'm drunk, I think I'll go to church.

Janis Serrano: That's SICK. Why would you go to church drunk? I got 12 kids, I hate them all and I'm getting my PHD!

Melissa Stewart: I'm going to Paris.

Lauren Nuzzo: I'm pregnant!

Qiana Kimbrough-Valentine: Vote for Ragen for the mayor of Gary!!!!!

Sabreena Osborne Sabreena found some treasured golden mystery eggs to share with her friends.

Tiffany Smith: I need a stiff one.

Host: Charles Barnes, you are NOT here for the love of Facebook, please remove your connection and return to Myspace.

Charles Barnes: Wack raps ya'll!!!!!!

{pause for dramatic purposes)

Host: Welcome, once again, to For The Love Of Facebook. I am your host No Name, and this week, we plan on shaking things up a bit. Unfortunately, last week, we had to send Charles Barnes back to Myspace and. . . .

Melissa Stewart: (interrupting) . . .Myspace? Is that in Paris? You know, I'm going to Paris. Go Hawks!!!!

James Vizion Haley: (drunk) Uhm, wait a minute, this ain't no church.

Sabreena Osborne Sabreena has built a church on her Farmville.

James Vizion Haley: like

Host: Anyways, this week's challenge is simple, or so it may seem. Your goal? Let Facebook King: Keith Evans update his status without any interference or negative comments. This challenge is to be tooken seriously.

Melissa Stewart: Tooken is NOT a word, atleast not in Paris. God I'm so pretty and smart and successful.

Tiffany Smith: God dammit Melissa, you best watch yo shit. I ain't had a stiff one in about 3 days. You don't wanna piss a sistah off right now.

Qiana Kimbrough-Valentine: A vote for Ragen means a vote for all the stiff ones you can handle.

Lauren Nuzzo: Oy, a stiff one only leads to one thing, gettin pregnant.

Melissa Stewart: Did you know pregnancy is illegal in Paris, a city in France, one in which I'm moving to?

Host: Alrighty then, you guys are dismissed.

Back at Facebook Mountain. . . . . .

Tiffany Smith: Ok, so all we gotta do is let that punk motherfucker Keith say what he wants and we're good right?

Janis Serrano: Well yeah, but he's so, so sick. He's disgusting, and you know me. I can't keep my mouth shut about anything.

Lauren Nuzzo: I'm pregnant.

Janis Serrano: So what?!?!?!? I got 17 kids AND I work 4 jobs, AND I go to school full time at Harvard.

Tiffany Smith: Come on bitches, we are the strongest alliance in this motherfucker. We gots to stick together. All we have to do is just NOT respond to Keith's post, that's it. Hell, we can all just find something else to do until eliminations and we straight. I'm gonna go find me a stiff one.

Lauren Nuzzo: It'll only lead to pregnancy.

Janis Serrano: No, she's right. Just keep busy. I'm got 7 finals today anyways. After that, who knows, maybe I'll beat the hell outta one of my 19 kids, shiiiit, 6 of them ain't working anyways.

Meanwhile, at the computer lab. . . . .

James Vizion Haley: Seriously though, nigga feelin thirsty AND religious as all hell. Somebody bring me my Hennessy and Bible!

Melissa Stewart: Using the "n" word is NOT cool James. The "n" word doesn't even exist in Paris, the city in which I am moving.

Qiana Kimbrough-Valentine: She's right Vizion. There are NO niggas in Paris. They all live in Gary, Indiana, a fine, majestic city where Queen Hatcher will rule most high, if I have anything to do with it, which I do.

Melissa Stewart: Gary, Indiana? How far is that from Paris, the city in which I will reside very soon?

James Vizion Haley: Girl you crazy! G.I. ain't nowhere near no Paris France.

Melissa Stewart: It's too bad really. I love Paris. Did you know they have they're own Sears Tower, but Sears in french is Eiffel? I can't wait to see the Eiffel Tower.

Sabreena Osborne Sabreena has built an Eiffel Tower on her Farmville for all her friends to enjoy.

Melissa Stewart likes this

Somewhere in a church. . .

Qiana Kimbrough-Valentine: (kneeling in prayer) Dear Lord, please bless me with the will and drive to make Ragen Hatcher Queen, er. . .I mean, Mayor of Gary. It is my only wish. Please forgive me of all my sins, like being part of a high school called Str8 Dawgin' and totally dissing Keith Evans in the 2nd grade after he paid my way to our Circus field trip.

(Suddenly, Qiana hears faint moaning in the back pews. She walks back there, only to be shocked by finding Vizion and Tiffany cuddled up together.)

James Vizion Haley: poke

Tiffany Smith: poke

James Vizion Haley: poke

Tiffany Smith: poke

Qiana Valentine-Kimbrough: What the HELL is going on?!?!?!?! Vizion, we did NOT form an alliance just so you can go poking people from another tribe.

Tiffany Smith: I told ya'll I needed a stiff one

James Vizion Haley: What the fuck you mean what is going on? This is a church! I'm drunk! Duh!

James Vizion Haley and Tiffany Smith are now friends

(Suddenly, the rest of the participants enter the church in a hurry)

Janis Serrano: Oh My GOD! You guys are so sick!!!!!

Lauren Nuzzo: Are you guys pregnant?

Sabreena Osborne: Ew!
Sabreena has installed a condom machine in the church on her Farmville

Tiffany Smith: What can I say? I liked his status.

James Vizion Haley: She "liked my status" so I "wrote on her wall", so what?

Qiana Kimbrough-Valentine: See, this is the type of things Rudy Clay stands for, sex in churches and condoms on Farmville. If you don't want to end up fucked in a church, vote for Ragen Hatcher.

James Vizion Haley: Damn, nigga can't even fuck in front of the Lord?

Everyone Else: YOU ARE NOT A NIGGA!!!!!!!!

Melissa Stewart: Well duh, he didn't even try to take my Chanel purse, which by the way, was made in. . .

Everyone Else: PARIS!!!! We fucking know.

Melissa Stewart: (to herself) Dieu, je ne peux pas attendre à Paris. Allez Hawks!

At elimination. . . .

Host: 30 minutes has gone by since I issued your challenge. I see you all have kept yourselves "busy" enough to not interfere with Keith Evans' domination of Facebook, which is good. However, one of you must hand in your profile pic and leave Facebook forever. It's time for elimination.

{dramatic pause}

Host: There are 7 of you, but only 6 Facebook accounts. This first FB account goes to you Sabreena.

Sabreena Osborne likes this

Host: Next, Lauren Nuzzo, we thought about eliminating you, but we couldn't eliminate that adorable fetus of yours. Come on up and get your FB account.

Lauren Nuzzo likes this

Host: Tiffany Smith.

Tiffany Smith likes this

Host: Vizion.

James Vizion Haley and Tiffany Smith like this

Host: Qiana Valentine.

Qiana Kimbrough-Valentine: That's Qiana Kimbrough dash Valentine to you. Ragen Hatcher believes that no woman should have to throw away her last name just cuz of some bullshit called marriage. How will people you went to high school with know who you are? That's why a vote for Ragen is a vote for hyphenated last names.

Host: Uhm, ok. Melissa. Janis. Will you ladies please step forward? There are 2 of you, but only one FB account. Before I give the final results, can both of you give me reasons why you should stay?

Janis Serrano: What the fuck you mean? I got 46 kids that get on my last damn nerve. I got 11 M.B.A.'s, which in THIS economy means I have 11 pieces of lint in my god damned pocket. I go to school. Keith is fucking SICK!!!!!! Obviously I should stay.

Host: Ok. And Melissa?

Melissa Stewart: Stay? Stay here? Here in NotParisville? I'm far too gorgeous and smart and successful to be stuck on Facebook my entire life.

James Vizion Haley likes this

Melissa Stewart: I make people pretty like me for a living and that talent can only be manifested in a city like Paris, where everyone is beautiful. Stinky and stuck up? Sure. But beautiful. I don't care if I'm eliminated or not. Go Hawks!

Host: Ok. You both have made invalid and amusingly stupid ass points. The people have spoken. This last Facebook account goes to. . . . . . .




Who should get the FB account?

Comment your choice immediately and a winner will be determined tonight.

Michael Bay Raped Me: The Movie That Scared My Anus

"Maybe I have just a younger voice than many other directors."  - Michael Bay

Perhaps that explains his some sort of homo-erotic revenge scheme on one fo the greatest horror icons of all time.

You'll have to excuse me, I just saw Nightmare On Elm Street, the Michael Bay version, and I am traumatized.

As a small child, I recall, vividly, my memories of the phemomenom that was Freddy Krueger.  I remember every Nightmare On Elm Street installment (including Freddy's Dead AND New Nightmare) as well as every bad dream I had after each one.  I remember Freddy's clever wit and Batman villain-esque like one liners.  I remember my first Freddy glove.  I remember Renee Hardin letting me stimulate her clitoris with that very glove, years later, to ultimate success.  I remember laughing off the utter ridiculousness of Freddy's Dead.  I remember that to this day, I am still slightly un-nerved by Nightmare On Elm Street 2.

Freddy Krueger was a champion antagonist to most kids of my generation, black or white.  Sure, within the story he was a child murderer, serial killer, and all around asshole, but simply put, he was a pop icon.

Not anymore. . . .

My problem is not particularly the film itself.

Apparently, Michael Bay, along with Wesley Strick and Eric Heisserer, decided, in what seems like a terrible attempt to up Mr. Krueger's terror, to change him from awesomely snarky murderer to. . . . .

. . . drumroll please. . .

. . . pedophile. . .

A Goddamned pedophile.

Michael Bay just ruins my whole fucking childhood by replacing my beloved Fred with this creeptard Fredophile version.

This is not a knock to James Earl Hailey either.  I feel that he played the part well, according to the script.

My issue is simply that my memory of Freddy being a badass, dream hopping smarty pantshas now been molested by this baby fiddler.

Now when I think back on famous Krueger qoutes, such as "You're all my children now" and "Wanna suck face?" I gotta be disgusted and pissed? 

If and when I have my traditional, one time Elm St. movie nightmare, do I have to worry about Freddy fucking me in the ass?

Not cool. . . . .

******Spoiler Alert*********  There's one point, when Nancy falls asleep, she wakes up in this bed, all decked out in the same kind of school girl dress that the creepy little chics wore in the originals.  Apparently, Nancy was formerly one of those girls in real life, back when Freddy was scamming kid tail.  She lays there, he shows up, and at some point, starts tracing his his finger blade down her neck, around her chest/breast towards her belly button and eventually to God knows where.   All this as he recites a classic line from the original "I'm your boyfriend now, Nancy". 

Really?

Fucking ewww. . . . .

What next?

In the Smurfs remake, we find out that PaPa Smurf is some weird, sex crazed, bi sexual scientologist cult leader.

Max Headroom was the first ever Neo-Nazi/Aryan internet prototype.

You see my point?

Now, when somebody dons the customary Freddy mask and metal clawed brown leather glove, they're just an asshole,. . . . . the skeevy kind, not the lovable Kanye kind.

When sex offenders get registered, they should just recieve government issued green and red striped sweaters, so we know who they are.

Total ruin. . . .

It's like I feel as if Freddy just got made to look like a total fuck nugget by the media.

Is this how Condoleeza Rice felt when she first saw Oliver Stone's "W."?

Speaking of people with vaginas. . . . . . . . . .

Yarah Bravo

You probably have no idea who she is.  Neither did I.  Somehow, I stumbled across her while searching through blogs that were suggested to me based on my interests.

She's a female hiphop emcee from Sweden (half Chilean/half Brazilan), and part of the hiphop group One Self includes Blu Rum 13 and (sadly her husband) Dj Vadim.

Her music is pretty retro hiphop, with that obvious european influence of retro-everything else, which you can check out HERE.

She's obviously talented and passionate about her craft, but for the sake of her Vagin Hero status, what impressed me about her is the fact that she's a female hiphop artist without all the Americanized over-sexing, and frankly, her physical appearance blows ANY hiphop chic outta the water.  She easily has the prettiest smile in hiphop.  People like Nicki Minaj, Lil' Kim, Lauryn Hill, Trina, Foxy Brown, and Eve look like low rent bust downs compared to her, her naturally gorgeous face, and her "not trying so hard" demeanor.  Female emcees take note; this is how you become a Vagina Hero, Enjoy. . . . .

I visited a retail clothing store called Denim. The workers were foreign, a combo of Serbian and Klingon. I heard two songs during my visit; a techno remix of Sweet Dreams and the Cupid Shuffle. Apparently I look like a "True Religion" type of "playa". I disagree. One says I look familiar, I disagree again. . . . to be continued

This Just In: An EFTH snippet

Come hither; I will shew unto thee the judgment of the great whore that sitteth upon many waters.

-Bible (NewTestament)
Revelation17:1.

LMAO, I say that to say this, "Ciara is outta control!"

I think we've all come to realize the downfall of Ciara's career.

I know, I know, I too was qouted in 2004 in saying "Man, if i was a female stripper, my stripper song would TOTALLY be My Goodies."

Now that it's 2010, Ciara is way played, and of course everyone knows if i were a stripper NOW, I'd strip to a Justin Bieber song, . . . . what can I say, that fever's contagious.

The thing about Ciara NOW is that she is trying WAAAAAAAAY too hard to be some kind of Aaliyah/Beyonce hybrid, and while i do "appreciate" her attempts, it's just kinda funny how "serious" she is in her new video "Ride".

Of course there's the portion of me that's like DAAAAAAMN, but anyone who knows me knows that funny always prevails over sexual attraction with me.  I could literally be 12 minutes into a total 3some with Trina and Sandra Bullock (what?  that's no different than a Pondersosa Buffet) and if Trina mistakenly squeezes a fart out, they both can fucking leave and I'm telling that story for atleast a year straight.

My point? 

Wait, . . . .what's a point?

My point is, Ciara is all over the place in this video, and the fucking video only has 1 location.  I never thought I'd be THIS disinterested in coming so close to seeing Ciara's vagina.  I can see the theory behind dumping the notion of boning Ciara to be Soulja Boy's hype man (Lil' Shout Out to Big Bow Wow).

Little Known Fact: If you want to ruin a song that probably won't get that much airplay anyway, just through Ludacris on it. . . . Enjoy and PLEASe share your thoughts, as long as they're dry. . . . .