Evans From The Heavens: Prejudices that don’t involve my skin. . .

So, while randomly surfing the high tiding waves of that ocean called the Internet, I came across, . . . .well wait maybe that’s a poor choice of words, . . . I stumbled upon an interesting story regarding Ashley Graham.

Ashley Graham (pictured above) is a 22 year old, 5’9” plus size model from Brooklyn, NY who wears a size 16 dress, over flowing with 38D cleavage and works for Lane Bryant.

Apparently, Lane Bryant, America’s beloved clothing brand for the thick and squishy, are claiming the “pulling of the fat card”.

According to Lane Bryant, the ABC network pulled their brand new lingerie ad from Dancing With the Stars (terrible show BTW), not because it was too sexy, but because it did not encompass the so called “normal” beauty and sexiness of our culture. LB’s claim of, what I have labeled weigh-cism (Elmer Fudd euphemism), is based on the fact their feeling that their ad is no more “sexier” than any Victoria’s Secrets ad, past or present. See for yourself. . . . .

This splits me down the middle. On one hand, their perfectly right, it’s not. In fact, this chic is way less flaunty about her underwear video strut than most lingerie commercials I’ve seen. She’s pretty in the face, hefty in the waist, and honestly, who gives a shit. Her bang-ability factor doesn’t seem to suffer, and let’s face it, chics with huge tits and asses, regardless whether the rest of them are plus size or not, need bras more than anyone.

On the other hand, there’s a very minute part of the alleged ABC argument I agree with. LB states one of the many issues network execs had with the ad was the “amount” of cleavage shown. Now, think about it like this. As risqué as Victoria’s might be, it is sometimes hard pressed to be “shocked” by their cleavage, because frankly, sans the push up variety, skinny chics rarely sport MAJOR cleavage.

Now, am I against cleavage? Hell fucking no! Cleavage and nipples are the two best things about breasts, with source of milk being a distant, distant third. I’m even a big fan of the nasty and indecent, but I do know where I AM suppose to find it, and where I’m not.

Let’s use someone who is not considered plus size, curvy, BBW, or whatever other bullshit references this country can invent, as an example.

I would imagine that Jennifer Love-Hewitt is not considered plus size by any means. Nor is she a “skinny” girl, but for the sake of argument, we’ll put her in that category. As skinny, or as NOT plus size as she may be, it is fair to say that J-Love’s mammaries are as healthy and voluptuous as they come. I also believe it is fair to say that a network like ABC wouldn’t let Jennifer Love Hewitt prance around in a bra with such a risky cut.

With that being said, if that were ABC's only issue, then, fine whatever, clean up the cut a little bit, and move on. However that was only a small issue among many.

If the allegations are true, then a thousand jeers to ABC for being lame, prejudiced, and straight up oblivious to the demographic that actually sits on their "curvy" asses and watch their pathetic prime time programming.

Do I have an issue with the weight of women? Yes and no. Yes, in the sense, that I have issues with women who's bodies are just fucking gross, and that falls anywhere between. . .

This Skeleton and The blubber the skeleton used to have.

. . . .and let's all be the one thing we claim we are all the time, REAL. Precious is fucking fat, plain and simple. In fact, she truly IS all three of those characteristics, and nobody would've gave a fuck about her, had she not been fat, and theatrically raped. We don't really know if she deserved the Oscar nod or not, because frankly, Precious was her first role, and not that good of one. A fat black woman who's raped by her father is simply a role, or better yet, a notion that people in Hollywood was so shocked to see, that they flipped out and over exagerated everything about that movie.

Besides the obvious epitome of ewww however, I have been known to love many women of many different sizes. Simply put, with the exceptions of the extreme, weight does NOT matter. Weight is merely a trivial thing that just so happened to be manipulated by our aesthetic culture, and right now, the skinnies are in the lead with the popular vote. Hell, if more fat people were famous, I'm pretty sure the mindset of this country would be reversed and that guy who needs the roof removed from his home to go to the store would be victimized as the poor guy who's just trying to fit in with what he sees in CelluLight Magazine.

From a man's standpoint, when it comes down to choosing between boning a thin girl and boning a thick girl, I choose thick. There's something quite shallow and empty about a skinny girl's vagina, as compared to her thicker counterpart's plump and squishy inards.

Seriously though, it's all relative. Not allowing fat people to go about their lives the same as skinny people is ignorant and disgusting. It's not what's on the outside, body wise, that counts, but the outside of your face that is the most important thing.

SEGUE ALERT

Mexicans. Can't live with 'em, can't run the kitchen of a locally successful restuarant with efficiency without 'em.

With that being said, the fine state of Arizona has decided to pass a law in which they can pretty much ask Mexicans for their proverbial "freedom" papers.

Ah, Arizona, the same state who refused to recognize MLK Day until 1992.

Now, for all you intense hillbillies and Captain Americas, don't take this the wrong way. I am all for immigration reform in this country. I don't feel as if you should be able to just waltz into our oh so perfect country, pop a fucking squat, and just go about your business, tax free.

I do, however, feel as if it's extrememly unnecessary to pass a law which pretty much gives your local authorities the right to have you prove your right to be here. We all know the history of this country when it is ran like a country club. That moment when you give the police the right to profile, regardless the reason. It never pans out well.

Do recall the blacks?

How about all those middle easterns after 9/11?

It doesn't actually shock me that someone came up with this idea. What is amazing, is that this idea successfully traveled through the "proper" channels and arrived at it's destination without any of those clear and simple thoughts. . . .

"It's 2010. . . . A.D."

"As Governor, I am sure that this will go over extremely well with our black President, no question."

"We better get this passed, as I am sure my landscaping won't suffer from racist choices."

Ay dios mio!

Crazy moves like these only benefit Canada. It's like America is Michael Jackson and Canada is Prince. After all the bad decisions, pussy power plays, nationwide facelifts, and tampering of children (see the Catholic Church), Canada is the winner of the age old debate.

Christina Hendricks & Dania Ramirez

Christina Hendricks, somehow, shocked the world by being voted Esquire's Sexiest Woman Alive. For whatever reason or the other, because she's not 105 lbs., the media has decided to treat this Mad Men bombshell like she was based on the novel Push by Sapphire. As if, by accepting these results, they're doing us a gracious favor. Fucking gay! Simply put, Hendricks is hot. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a sucker for red headed white women. Check. Anyone who knows me, knows I'm not the biggest fan of breasts in general, but I do respect them. Christina's cleavage makes curing hunger in Africa seem oh so possible, and add to that the 90% chance that hers are real. Anyone who knows me, knows I'm a big fan of the booty. Though I have no immediate proof of her Kardashian-esque backside, the few scenes I've witnessed of her walking around in her Joan Hollaway sexiness, I'm willing to put money on it, in it, and around it. Enjoy. . . . . . .

.....but wait

Anyone who knows me knows the my all time favorite celebrity hottie is Aaliyah. If Aaliyah somehow never boarded that death flight, and I slithered my way into her pants and life, making her my wife, THEN she boarded a plane and crashed to her inevitable death. . . . given the proper time for mourining and public appearances, Dania Ramirez would be a very equal substitute. I mean, GOD DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!! Have you seen this chic? She's like if Aaliyah and Stacy Dash had a baby. She has a picture that virtually epitomizes the term Vagina Hero. . . .

She's ridiculously hot, and I'm talking naturally hot, like "wake up in the morning, wipe the slob from your face and you're still hot" hot. You may have seen her in X-Men: Last Stand, or Heroes (X-Men: The Series), which has to make you wonder if her real life mutant power is hotness. Dania's full package, and Christina's pair of "full packages" is what makes them this week's co-Vagina Heroes. Enjoy...