Prejudices that don’t involve my skin. . .

So, while randomly surfing the high tiding waves of that ocean called the Internet, I came across, . . . .well wait maybe that’s a poor choice of words, . . . I stumbled upon an interesting story regarding Ashley Graham.



Ashley Graham (pictured above) is a 22 year old, 5’9” plus size model from Brooklyn, NY who wears a size 16 dress, over flowing with 38D cleavage and works for Lane Bryant.


Apparently, Lane Bryant, America’s beloved clothing brand for the thick and squishy, are claiming the “pulling of the fat card”.

According to Lane Bryant, the ABC network pulled their brand new lingerie ad from Dancing With the Stars (terrible show BTW), not because it was too sexy, but because it did not encompass the so called “normal” beauty and sexiness of our culture. LB’s claim of, what I have labeled weigh-cism (Elmer Fudd euphemism), is based on the fact their feeling that their ad is no more “sexier” than any Victoria’s Secrets ad, past or present. See for yourself. . . . .



This splits me down the middle. On one hand, their perfectly right, it’s not. In fact, this chic is way less flaunty about her underwear video strut than most lingerie commercials I’ve seen. She’s pretty in the face, hefty in the waist, and honestly, who gives a shit. Her bang-ability factor doesn’t seem to suffer, and let’s face it, chics with huge tits and asses, regardless whether the rest of them are plus size or not, need bras more than anyone.

On the other hand, there’s a very minute part of the alleged ABC argument I agree with. LB states one of the many issues network execs had with the ad was the “amount” of cleavage shown. Now, think about it like this. As risqué as Victoria’s might be, it is sometimes hard pressed to be “shocked” by their cleavage, because frankly, sans the push up variety, skinny chics rarely sport MAJOR cleavage.

Now, am I against cleavage? Hell fucking no! Cleavage and nipples are the two best things about breasts, with source of milk being a distant, distant third. I’m even a big fan of the nasty and indecent, but I do know where I AM suppose to find it, and where I’m not.

Let’s use someone who is not considered plus size, curvy, BBW, or whatever other bullshit references this country can invent, as an example. 

I would imagine that Jennifer Love-Hewitt is not considered plus size by any means. Nor is she a “skinny” girl, but for the sake of argument, we’ll put her in that category. As skinny, or as NOT plus size as she may be, it is fair to say that J-Love’s mammaries are as healthy and voluptuous as they come. I also believe it is fair to say that a network like ABC wouldn’t let Jennifer Love Hewitt prance around in a bra with such a risky cut.

            

With that being said, if that were ABC's only issue, then, fine whatever, clean up the cut a little bit, and move on.  However that was only a small issue among many. 

If the allegations are true, then a thousand jeers to ABC for being lame, prejudiced, and straight up oblivious to the demographic that actually sits on their "curvy" asses and watch their pathetic prime time programming.

Do I have an issue with the weight of women?  Yes and no.  Yes, in the sense, that I have issues with women who's bodies are just fucking gross, and that falls anywhere between. . .

This Skeleton                                         and                 The blubber the skeleton used to have.

. . . .and let's all be the one thing we claim we are all the time, REAL.  Precious is fucking fat, plain and simple. In fact, she truly IS all three of those characteristics, and nobody would've gave a fuck about her, had she not been fat, and theatrically raped.  We don't really know if she deserved the Oscar nod or not, because frankly, Precious was her first role, and not that good of one.  A fat black woman who's raped by her father is simply a role, or better yet, a notion that people in Hollywood was so shocked to see, that they flipped out and over exagerated everything about that movie.

Besides the obvious epitome of ewww however, I have been known to love many women of many different sizes.  Simply put, with the exceptions of the extreme, weight does NOT matter.  Weight is merely a trivial thing that just so happened to be manipulated by our aesthetic culture, and right now, the skinnies are in the lead with the popular vote.  Hell, if more fat people were famous, I'm pretty sure the mindset of this country would be reversed and that guy who needs the roof removed from his home to go to the store would be victimized as the poor guy who's just trying to fit in with what he sees in CelluLight Magazine.  

From a man's standpoint, when it comes down to choosing between boning a thin girl and boning a thick girl, I choose thick.   There's something quite shallow and empty about a skinny girl's vagina, as compared to her thicker counterpart's plump and squishy inards.

Seriously though, it's all relative.  Not allowing fat people to go about their lives the same as skinny people is ignorant and disgusting.  It's not what's on the outside, body wise, that counts, but the outside of your face that is the most important thing.

              SEGUE ALERT

Mexicans.  Can't live with 'em, can't run the kitchen of a locally successful restuarant with efficiency without 'em.

With that being said, the fine state of Arizona has decided to pass a law in which they can pretty much ask Mexicans for their proverbial "freedom" papers. 

Ah, Arizona, the same state who refused to recognize MLK Day until 1992.

Now, for all you intense hillbillies and Captain Americas, don't take this the wrong way.  I am all for immigration reform in this country.  I don't feel as if you should be able to just waltz into our oh so perfect country, pop a fucking squat, and just go about your business, tax free. 

I do, however, feel as if it's extrememly unnecessary to pass a law which pretty much gives your local authorities the right to have you prove your right to be here.  We all know the history of this country when it is ran like a country club.  That moment when you give the police the right to profile, regardless the reason.    It never pans out well. 

Do recall the blacks?

How about all those middle easterns after 9/11?

It doesn't actually shock me that someone came up with this idea.  What is amazing, is that this idea successfully traveled through the "proper" channels and arrived at it's destination without any of those clear and simple thoughts. . . .

"It's 2010. . . .  A.D."

or

"As Governor, I am sure that this will go over extremely well with our black President, no question."

or

"We better get this passed, as I am sure my landscaping won't suffer from racist choices."

Ay dios mio!

Crazy moves like these only benefit Canada.  It's like America is Michael Jackson and Canada is Prince.  After all the bad decisions, pussy power plays, nationwide facelifts, and tampering of children (see the Catholic Church), Canada is the winner of the age old debate.

Christina Hendricks & Dania Ramirez

 

 

                          










Christina Hendricks, somehow, shocked the world by being voted Esquire's Sexiest Woman Alive.  For whatever reason or the other, because she's not 105 lbs., the media has decided to treat this Mad Men bombshell like she was based on the novel Push by Sapphire.  As if, by accepting these results, they're doing us a gracious favor.  Fucking gay!  Simply put, Hendricks is hot.  Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a sucker for red headed white women.  Check.  Anyone who knows me, knows I'm not the biggest fan of breasts in general, but I do respect them.  Christina's cleavage makes curing hunger in Africa seem oh so possible, and add to that the 90% chance that hers are real.  Anyone who knows me, knows I'm a big fan of the booty.  Though I have no immediate proof of her Kardashian-esque backside, the few scenes I've witnessed of her walking around in her Joan Hollaway sexiness, I'm willing to put money on it, in it, and around it.  Enjoy. . . . . . .

                                .....but wait

Anyone who knows me knows the my all time favorite celebrity hottie is Aaliyah.  If Aaliyah somehow never boarded that death flight, and I slithered my way into her pants and life, making her my wife, THEN she boarded a plane and crashed to her inevitable death. . . . given the proper time for mourining and public appearances, Dania Ramirez would be a very equal substitute.  I mean, GOD DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!  Have you seen this chic?  She's like if Aaliyah and Stacy Dash had a baby.  She has a picture that virtually epitomizes the term Vagina Hero. . . . 

She's ridiculously hot, and I'm talking naturally hot, like "wake up in the morning, wipe the slob from your face and you're still hot" hot.   You may have seen her in X-Men: Last Stand, or Heroes (X-Men: The Series), which has to make you wonder if her real life mutant power is hotness.  Dania's full package, and Christina's pair of "full packages" is what makes them this week's co-Vagina Heroes.  Enjoy...

 

 

Who would win in a fight: pirates or ninjas?

ninjas, and not the gay ass juggalo kind neither, I'm talkin pure chink power

Ask me anything

Who would win in an MC Battle.... Andy Samberg or GDI?

freestyle, maybe GDI, purely based on songs though? I'd have to say Andy Samberg, hands down

Ask me anything

No Class aka School During Any Season in Gary, IN

*Note* This blog is sort of Gary, Indiana specific. . .  so if you feel left out, then you probably are, but enjoy *Note*

“The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating...


...and you finish off as an orgasm.”  - George Carlin

    




     Remember when understanding the Gary Community school structure was easy?  When the tier of educational hierarchy was universal with the rest of the United States (Mormon communities and Amish villages excluded)?  Life was so simple back then.

     Your journey through your 13 years of school should be as follows; K-6, also known as "elementary" school or "grammar" school.  A wonderfully magical place where you begin to learn the essentials for being forced into organized education.  Kindergarten is natuarlly a half of day, as not to overwhelm the proverbial "new" student with an entire 7 hour day of sitting Indian style and learning the art of unsupervised french kissing (shout out to Manisha Bassett).

     1st thru 3rd is that next level shit, nah mean? An all day bullshit-fest, 5 days a week, with weekly visits of culture, such as music, art, and for some reason, in a pre-taco infested U.S., spanish.  4th thru 6th, which is pretty much the same as 1st thru 3rd, except add in your own seperate, more mature lunch hour and the discovery of "fingering". 

     Then BAM!!!!! Your first of many meaningless graduations, and you're over halfway out of your mama's house, . . . . in an ideal world that is.

     7th and 8th grade are a bit of a blur, which is ironic because I feel as if jr. high/middle school are
THE most important grades in deciding which "class" of human you will become in high school.  Parents, this is the point in your child's life when you'll figure out if you wasted your money on all those little league-esque sporting events or not, OR whether your little chaste angel will inevitably take you through a whorish roller coaster ride that may very well end in frequent Planned Parenthood visits.

After these grades, if your middle school was lame, you had an even MORE meaningless graduation ceremony.

    Aw SNAP!!!!!!!! Time to get your high school on.  I don't think I have to be TOO descriptive on what this is like.  Cliques, extra-curricular activities, hotel/house parties, drinking, drugging, teen sex, and Algebra apparently.  I, personally, grew out of that Algebra shit in the 7th grade, but what can I say, some of us mature more than others.  Some of you are headed to the college and or university of your choice, to further your education and sexual explorations.  Some of you, straight to the workforce, because luckily for you, your subconscious has already prepared you for the oncoming recession, another magical era where degrees are worth nothing more than the feces that graduates from your ass.

     Most smaller towns have a few elementary schools, perhaps 1 or 2 middle schools, and then their one beloved high school.  Larger towns, also known as cities, generally have an inflated amount of these, resulting in the always fun (and in the case of an urban place like Gary, IN) sometimes dangerous high school rivalries.  This has always been the fuel that gassed up bragging rights for sectional, regional and state championships all over the state in any sport you cherished, but more specifically football, and of course, the first love of most Hoosiers (and all blacks), basketball.  Some of my fondest memories are a result of the friendly/deadly rivalries between West Side, Roosevelt, and those other 3 retard factories that played mid card to the our main event.

   I recall shortly after leaving my junior high school, the Gary School Corporation decided to take 6th grade out of grammar school and stick it in jr. high. . . . . first mistake, though not THAT big of a deal.

   Around 2001, the state of Indiana, specifically the IHSAA (Indiana High School Athletic Association), decided that instead of the normal tournament style elimination sectional battles, that would inevitably lead to the crowning of a state champ, they would instead, divide the sectional into "classes" (i.e. 4A, 3A, 2A, A).  Apparently, it was felt that these class divisions allowed smaller rural schools to earn a chance at winning state titles as well.  Fuck practicing, recruiting, and digging deep to will your school towards the trophy, a la the movie Hoosiers.  Just make it easier for crappy high schools with 2 digit graduating class capacities to worm their way to a championship.  Makes sense right?  I mean, if you're good, you're good.  And if you suck, then fuck it, but that's just me.  Second mistake.

     Then they started closing schools all over Gary.  High school wise, Horace Mann was the first to go, and though the phrase "good riddance" was the general thought, in retropsect, Third mistake.

     Soon, many more schools began biting the dust, grammar, middle, and high.  Be it funding, asbestos, or whatever, it ultimately sucked the last bit of life out of an already dead city.

     Then, the worst idea i ever heard was uttered.  Apparently, the plan is to eliminate junior highs altogether, and somehow house 7th and/or 8th graders with the high schools.  High schools, mind you, that aren't even called high schools anymore.  (i.e. West Side High School, now known as West Side Leadership/Military Academy.  Lew Wallace High School, now known as Lew Wallace Science Technology Engineering Mathematics Academy.  And Roosevelt High School, now known as Academy of Mentally Inept Clowns. . . .I think).

     What a great idea.  In an obvious attempt to increase casting for the MTV hit Teen Mom, they come up with an idea to house 13 year olds and 18 year olds in the same building.

     In nation wide news, I hear talk about co-ed bathrooms and locker rooms are next.  (That little news tidbit was sourced from The View, 'cuz let's face it, bitches don't lie).

     Why not just cut down to one high school and call it Statutory Senior High?

Noureen DeWulf

     After slipping on a banana peel and watching Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past, my own personal Slum Dog radar was set off.  She wasn't even particularly "sexy" in the movie, as her role was more so the lowly assistant type.  Somehow, someway I was reading something about hockey (thanks Felicia) and Ryan Miller (hockey player for some hockey team) mentioned his girlfriend was in Ghosts Of GF's.  After cross referencing with my dear friend Google, I discovered the lowly assistant was this busty middle eastern beauty.  I've never benefitted so much visually from a Matthew McConaughey romcom in all my life. . . and that's why Noureen is this blog's vagina hero.